I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
