I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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