He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
