I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
