worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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