i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize