And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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