please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
