Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
