First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
