Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
