when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
