A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
