cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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