Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
