the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
