Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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