This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize