So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
