You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
