anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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