i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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