You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i think my cat just said my name.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
