I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just pee around me
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
