It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
