And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
