Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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