im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
