your room smells of hookers.
And success
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
