Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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