My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
