I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
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i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
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I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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