True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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