Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just invented taco cereal.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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