once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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