I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he thought i was a dude.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize