Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
