Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
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Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
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Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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