so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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