hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
