My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
