found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
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My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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