i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
