i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
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i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
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Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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