Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize