My room smells like vodka and shame
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i think i have two assholes
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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