laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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