i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
