I want to make a zoo with you.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
