people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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