I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
