I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
