My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
