im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
