The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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