im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
