It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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