Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
