i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I smell like Dick and happiness
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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