MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
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Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
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I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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