I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
it glows. i had to have it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
