Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
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You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
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I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You've changed since you got that strap on
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating