ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm like, not good at living.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
