Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
