he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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