break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
