first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
