____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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