people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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