He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
soo... how was my night?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
