rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
