I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
