I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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