I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
