I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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